May 08, 2005
im not going to die!
omg, i just wrote i pretty long entry and then the internet froze and i lost it all. Im going to rewrite what i remember.... I am not going to die!! if the rest of the population can survive graduating then so can I! It's just losing all the people you've ever known, that'a all, right? gewd. I'd like some more reassurance than that, but oh well! its not like i have readers yet, so that's not gonna happen! I could always show my true emotions to my friends and curl up into a little ball into a lap and bawl my eyes out that life will never be the same and that we'll never be the same and all that other stuff that peeople usually fear when the time comes to graduate. Some of my friends have changed for the worst with the new pressures of being an 'adult' whateva! hehe, i just wish they could have some of the strength of mind that i have that everything will work out and things will get better with every day.
I have got to get a physical hobbie, 'cause the stress of all of this has got to get eased somehow, and what better way than to work up a sweat and get manly-buff? mmmm, manly-buff girl... lol, c'est moi! lol, not yet kiddo.
It's not that im a lesbian, its just that last night i had a great time with the girls that i got to dance with, i had a great time with the guys too, it's just that i always have had this lingering suspision/paranoia that guys always have this ulterior motive to get into your pants or have me become their significant other. Not gonna happen, im too much of a mess right now. THERE'S NO NEED TO GET A SEX CHANGE. I'm just the intermediate sex, hahaha.... i've got such a broad, faceted personality that its hard to associate myself solely with one sex, that the whole prewdicament, and nothing else. This is going to be a picec of cake to get over, right? yea, let's not get too optimistic now... hehe
My friend tabitha was there. Tabitha falls for everyone that she meets because she's just that lonely and in need of someone to help think things through in life. It's not that she's a whore though, so its all good. SHe just gets protective and clingy about the people she likes and then pissy when they dont like her for that, cause she can get a little loco about it.
She has spinal problems and has to be in a wheelchair. That's not the deterant, though sexual lustings would be odd to meet with her..., it's just the emotional baggage that everyone has seems to be larger with her since she cant have the most normal life. Her best friend cant move her arms or legs, but she always paints tabitha's nails... with her mouth. I'm glad she has found a way to live :D Tabitha told me that some hot guy saw her and danced snugglily close with her. SHe said she was in heaven in his arms. I'm sure it must have felt like it, with the kind gesture that noone usually shows anymore. how lovely. (she told me at steak-n-shake, i bought her cheese fires and a toffy-chocolate chocolate shake)
So yes, this girl that i've liked has always wanted me to meet her boyfriend cause she thinks we are sp complementary its crazy. Now listen, I met him last nite at prom, and although we didnt have any in depth conversations and i wasnt around him for more than 5 minutes at a time, i know this guy through his mannerism and his facial expressions and all that other stuff that people who can read others just by meeting them once can detect. This guy is so domineering it almost brought me to tears. It's bad enough that i probably wouldnt see amy again, but this guy just wouldnt even let me get close to her without pressing himself between us so that i couldnt even fucking hold her arm or something with his body touching me.
I suppose he thinks me a threat, and he should, because i would gladly take her away from him and do right back at him what he did to me last night and then some. Ye gods, he flaunted her in front of me and teased me and jsut shoved my face in the fact that she was his and not mine.
Cursing or plaguing him would not be a good thing, adrienne old girl, so dont even think about it (although you obviously have, since you're even typing this out to yourself in the third person narrative), because the consequences of threefold are just not something that you could handle right now, ok? Great, im glad you see things my way,
love,
Your Conscience.
Great, thanks for that, conscience,, im not going to make him writhe in pain for being the blatantly unauthentically kind, secretly jealous, person that you are. Now I just have to think over telling amy what i think about, which i probably will, but only on the conditions that she doesnt tell him, because this guy has something that I've got and could probably hurl the same curses at me that I would at him.
The difference between me and him? I couldn't say, since i dont know him. All the more reason to postpone actions, since he could really be a genuinely nice guy and it was just a bad first impression, or it could have been the surroundings, it being prom and all. I always try to think of an out for the oopponent, i just dont like to think of people actually being evil,, because then i have this ever-lasting urge/temptation to extinguish their existence off of this plane. Hopefully He'll be reborn with something better to aid him. Sheiza! i have got to quit thinking that he is the enemy.
amy is not a stupid girl, if she even though he might be a bad guy, i think she'd be able to get out of the relationship. SHe's always telling me how great he is and everything. I'm sure that's what she's been telling him, so that's PROBABLY the reason he was an asshole.. right..
ive got to go to sleep, remember for the next blog : faith's kid crisis, bloodhound gang vagina humor, steak-n-shake goods, emily and jacob story, jacob and ed anger story, staff seageant, cree, spencer, everybody else!
good night
madfuzzyme at 11:42 p.m.