May 07, 2005
prom conflagration and a biology exam dream
Yes, today is prom. My mother is hemorrhaging. She'll have to get a histerectomy sometime soon. blarg. She cannot take me to my friend's house where we will be picked up by the limmo.
My friend is at church. I didn't know she did that!
I've been listening to my chemical romance lately. It reminds me of this fanfic I've been reading, so I'm sort of as addicted to the band as I am the story. It reminds me of Anita Blake's zombie life and Kill Bill if they had life in a mob syndicate with Jimmy Eats World playing in the background. good stuff. I'm just trying to keep my cool, ya know?
Man, I forgot to take my medication last night, woke up at 4, wondered why I felt oggled, then remembered, but it was too late and I would just have to ride it out until i woke up later. Well, needless to say, the wooshing in my head was more than companiable. I'm telling myself it's just in my head and that I can think straight without paying attention to the wooshes. Yes I Can!
If I can just type out my thoughts, I think it will help me maintain some semblance of sanity. I don't think anyone is going to read this, and though it is not for others that i'm writing this, I do think it would feel nice to have some feedback and moral support. With all the ground that I feel that I'm losing, yeah. I though of all the 20 yr olds and even 30yr olds that have survived. With all the things I want to impact, this is nothing!!!!!
Paradise, I'm getting lost in the wooshes. Do you think it would be better to go lay down and ride it? wwwoooooo00000000000ooooooooossssssshhh
Hey, ya know what? I'm going to tell you what I remember of my dream: (it takes place in a sort of final fantasy sort of world, with quaint towns and land of either plains or mountains and a gigantic ocean)
The land where we lived was invaded by a giant who was eating people (however, in my dreams, I always redream the scene about 5 times, so the giant kept changing sizes and intelligences). He ended up being smart and sucking the meat and blood out of people's throats.
There was a freezer in this restaurant that I worked at owned by my friend. The main door to it is 3 flaps of that heavy plastic, thought flexible magnets would hold them together. I was trying to hide from the giant, who had changed to a more human size and was coming after me for some reason , I guess because I was the only person who tried to reason with him and talk with him about his life and what would stir up this lust for throats, and was staring at the paper warning on the flaps: WARNING: do no close flap behind you, they cannot be opened from the inside. good to know, eh? so I ended up face to face and scared shitless with the beautiful monster guy, who is just tall and bulky with hot sexy oiled muscles. I think he was wearing clothes, I just cant remember what, though it was something tight on the legs and complementing. Reminded me of Richard from Anita Blake. His floating brown hair a little past the shoulders. oh yes, he was wearing tight jeans and no shirt. lusciously tan. im not a whore!
EH hermm, needless to say, the owner fled with me, after some longinglooks exchanged with each other and maybe some embracing, as if we were long lost loves that had finally found each other.
There happened to be a construction site of an old tall skeleton of a multi-story building. (nothing but rusted steel beams) Me and the girl climbed to one of the upper rusted steel bars and were met with the giant's face, who had returned to his former height. I loved him for some reason, but the girl (slender and blonde) was pulling at me to keep me from going to him. His eyes were chocolate brown and filled with sorrow at something, but i seemed convinced it was because i wasn't coming to him. i think i went to him and we played kissy-face on the beams because he had returned to my size and just looked to sumptuous leaning against one of the up-beams, holding his arms out for me to wrapped in. I felt so safe in his arms. we looked like one of those dramatic covers to one of those adult novellas. where the guy and girl and holding each other on a cliff by the sea, and their height differences make their staring at each other look even more dramatic as the wind from the ocean is blowing their hair out of their faces...
This hovership ended up coming to the town and the townspeople fled into it. I think the guy stayed with me as his new self so that we could go together. The girl knew that it was him and so did everybody else, so they were all terrified of us, the new couple, a powerful, wind-inducing strength between us transforming us into gods. Gods. I was a freaking goddess with a drop-dead gorgeous husband god.
The ship is bigger longer than a football field and comprised of about 15-20 stories. I thought with the ship, who was actually alive, like the farscape ship, but with the coloring of the gun from the fifth element. It was both sexes, whatever I needed it to be at the time. I could connect myself mentally to it's navigation system.
The land we had inhabited was drying, we had to leave, to survive.
Someting was coming after us. The powers of the planet I think (like the army). The land we kept tilling just kept drying under our feet. Did it have something to do with us? with me? We fled again, and this guy knew the kind of land plants we needed. Cotelydons. they were in dire need. So we hade to find the necessary buds.
We found them at this one great rising mound, the color and distinction of the grand canyon, put pitted and upwards and dark with the shadows of the unkown inside it's crevices. We had to go there to live. I had to get into the soil of the place that we landed out, at a ridge on the base of the monument, looking over the seemingly endless green deciduous forest.
This man came up to me just after I had gotten about a foot down with my hands, next to the landing. He's gorgeous as well, though in more of a sleek fashion than the other god. His blonde hair is past his shoulders and he's wearing the clothing of nobilty (he's got layers of clothes on, unlike the other guy). He tells me this is where he hides from the same people that are following us, and that i could follow him.
I was a naive thing of a god, i didn't understand he could be danger. He found the dicotelydons I needed so badly for my people to live. He picked up the green ones budding into an orange hue the color of the monolith. The orange cotelydon seeds were the ones we needed and he was eating them casually, talking to me as if nothing were happening, as if he hadn't approached me underneath the hull of my own monolith of a ship, eating those fucking cotelydons!
I understood yet didn't and was getting pissed that he was being so rude. My clothes shifted to the burnt orange of the monument and there were angry burnt orange clouds lunging themselves into a perilous storm that would hail rocks of the same hue at the ground for his insufferance.
He was a beautiful dirty blonde. There was something about him that was distracting, something seemingly important about himself. Like he was a link that I needed to jack myself into the planet, though he was evil, bad, unworthy, a black hearted being, a god nonetheless, though he hendered himself with his own ego.
That's what had been hindering my thought patterns. I figured this out as one of my cadets/crew members came down the landing, argued with him, shooed at him. This beautiful god that reminded me of the richard god, though leaner and a dirty blonde and a condescending asshole. I needed him on the ship so that I could figure things out, so that I could use him to save the planet, the people. My people were diseased and he was the link to help things develop.
I tried to grab at his arm so that I could hide him in the ship, but the crew member pulled us inside, leaving the cotelydons that we needed! I screamed and clawed and fought on the way up as he lifted me off the ground and carried me into the leviathan.
Didn't he understand that our people resided on the shoulder of that god? He could make things bloom. The things that died, they died with us, though flowed with me and him. That goddamn bastard. He knew we needed him and didnt even care. The power was what he needed.
I headed for the command bay, a storm of burnt orange power thrumming through the halls. The ship let me on the dock, riding the power, launching and flying off towards something else, the monolith was just a marker on the course to the place we need to be.
I had the coordinates! somehow i had gotten them. I think the god had given it to me. The presence of the brunette god on the bay got me thinking. There was something with the cotelydons I had managed to board with. We needed to figure that out.
The ship brought up a projected screen of the info on the cotelydon and wired me into the info I needed to have, though it was alot, there was something importsant to get out of it all. There was a scientist that had figured it out that came rushing to us (the crew that would stay with me) as I watched the crew and the people eat through my balcony/room on the dock. Others didnt know I could see through the wall onto the mess bay. A football field worth of civilians that were feeding themselves off of me, though they didnt know it, I was their life source, the only one they feared.
The scientist found out that there was a needed neurong that was not being triggered on the way to the cotelydon port that was fed by all the neurons in the cotelydon. We used Fleuras to get into the vessels. They didnt want me to go, something about how i didn't know how to guide the ship.
Well, I didn't, and I didn't do well inside the thing. It was like the leviathan, though a flame of white and blue that could form and do what need be to get into what i needed it to do. I was the key to getting inside the problem. We talked, communicated, had a trusting reliance upon each other and undertood the need to get this cotelydon working. The first time inside, the guy on the outside didnt know how to use the dolly/contorl stick to direct fleuras the wa ywe needed, but I got inside a nerve. That was important.
The crew and the scientists found out that i was in there and took over the controls so that i was forced to get out. The second time in, this time with the aid of the crew, I had convinced them that the Fleuras needed me to get into the system. It was explained to me that I could not me in the nerve if an electric signal was being pulsed through, because it would probably fry the Fleuras, though we didn't know, because this ship was apart of the leviathan and had come with it when discovered.
These ships were apart of the planet, like part of it's heart, so that i was in a sense connected to the planet's heart. We go in a second time and there's another flagellated sperm-like bacteria in there. Since this is the same shape that the Fleuras itself chose for best entry, we figured this was another bacterium that the Fleuras had copied to get into the cotelydon. It for some reason was in the nerve that we needed to be in, so when we entered we passed next to it.
Entering the nerve is a delicate process. The nerve is almost a striated muscle, so that if any of the links were damaged on the wavy end, the nerve would we ruined. We had to enter at a precise point where the sacromeres met. Of course i did it beyond perfectly with the newfound ease of having a crew help control the inner fluctuations of the ship as we communicated. The Fleuras passed through the nerve seamlessly.
I saw through a the wall the the other bacterium was another fleuras-resembling ship, though it was ruddier than I. More the color of a mudsplotched leviathan. A leviathan. That's what it was, though infinitely smaller. Perhaps an infant thing to be the size of the Fleuras Eyes. The thing had eyes. The Fleuras did as well, though I hadn't noticed that beforehand. Like the eyes of whales and as frequent as portholes. There was a long-haired blonde girl. That girl... something about her and i knew we had to lock ports.
We did as I instructed, locked and loaded, read y for bear, though they didn't know it, since those who would fight were ordered to stay on the Fleuras. We went into their territory. I told you i was a naive thing. Myself and three other captains entered the salutary entrance. The innards of the ship were the outer colorings of the leviathan.
Something in my head was on guard, my powers were amped and ready to defend. We were met by an over confident pair of guards with their own body gear and semi-automatics. a set-up! Paradise be lost! The dirty blonde god and his stark-blonde goddess entered from the flanking doorways that lead down hallways further into the ship. They both emanated cruel intentions. Their sneering faces...
They had triggered a nerve pulse that was coming this way. That would join all of us. This pulse would combine all of our selves and explode us into the beyond, transcending us into the godly realms we belonged in. FUCK!
we had to get out. The ship was innocent, it was mine, she opened her doors that adjoined us and let us escape. The Fleuras lingered on the lovely eyes of the infant, though they were the mud brown of her hull.
The icy goddess was translucent and flaring a whiteness to scare the greatest lightning storms. She was the cold-hearted lightning that everyone fears with attack them at somepoint in life.
We exited as quickly as possible. The infant need not worry, she was like rubber to the lightening of the pulse and disabled the gods from ensuing us.
We sped towards the point that we needed to be able to transfer us into the sizes of our former selves. If one of those dendrites touched us, we were fumes. The scientist had explained that there were two types of axons. The names were complicated. The easiest way to tell the difference was that one resembled the cone sensory-recepors of eyes and had 5 spherical bulbs at it's end, and the other was more like the rod sensory-receptor and has 2 more triangular bulbs. Like ovaries and a guys package. Was the cotelydon actually an organism?
We exited this world as the shock of the oassing pulse shook us into the infinity in between. Back on the port, and with the Fleuras in my hands, sort of the size and wieght of a chinchilla, though sleak like a sting-ray, was scared and shivering. I put her back in her water-like filled aquarium that was actually somewhat of the veins running through the ship she was apart of. The veins could change their width and open sort of in a hinge-fashion so that I could always be the the Fleuras.
The scientists were pale. I was flustered and angered at the damned god. he was in there hindering this process. He was the reason for all of this famine. The goddess was a question mark. she was more evil. there was a resenment between the two. She was probably forcing him into this predicament.
There was something pleading about him when she had met him with his precious cotelydons, in his precious forest that belonged to him, it had spring from his first breath and hid him from the authorities, though he was wanted. He could become the essences of the trees, of the flitting beings that took refuge in its breast.
He was the forest. I was the ground. She was the tempestuous sky. What was the richard god?
The scientists had found the problem. Just a little before the nerve could jack into the central reservoir of the cotelydon it had been sliced off. It was probably how the other gods had entered. Those destructive bastards!! I was going to kill them, all of them. For jeoaprdizing my people, for causing this disease that I was suffering for their sakes. I was the last link they had to survival. If they did not feed off of my essence they would not have survived these many months.
She was going to die and I was going to fuse her skies to me so that I could heal this mess. This would of course be dangerous because noone could tell if she would take me over or be discintigrated as I willed it to be.
I was flowing though the ship, radiating my burnt-orange flair that was the earthen floor we all survived on. I was the ship. The ship's innards shifted into a burnt-orange hue with myself the liquid in her veins. The Fleuras was sliding through her veins with me, racing with my power.
This was something we could do together.
This earth would not dissipate.
madfuzzyme at 10:51 a.m.