2005-05-04
get out! It's time to graduate and start solving new problems!
I AM GRADUATING! how simultaneously depressing and exhilirating! Good-bye my well-loved friends and acqaintances. GOOD-BYE MY WELL-LOVED TEACHERS. I actually have better relationships with them right now than I do with my friends that I've had for my schooling. I hope it signifies that they are all being assholes! Just because life is going to spill you out on your ass in the middle of an empty free-way doesn't mean you have to desert your amies! I could say more profanity, but I am in the process of attempting to accept their attitudes. I hope they get out of them soon, it's doing me over!
My prom is this saturday, and i'm actually going with someone that I like, though she thinks we're just going as friends, I am secretly imagining it as a date! mwahaha! So I DID finally get one with her! The other girl that I asked was already taken by her bf. Freaking people that exist. Heh. She's the one I really, REALLY wanted to go with, but I'm ok. really. If she just wouldn't lead me on so cruelly. Is it leading me on if, after all the flirting, she says 'if he weren't there, it'd be all us baby'? It's still like asking a guy to put it away after you've cajoled him into taking it out as if it were his idea to begin with, and a ludicrous one at that. Blargh, eh? Not that I'm a lesbian or anything...
Gah, When I told my mom (yeah i know, how lame?) she yelled 'you are not a lesbian!' and then the other day told me 'We just have to get you to believe you're heterosexual' Well, If I really am man on the inside, or more likely as hermaphroditic as my mind, then everything is hetero! w007 Just give me a man that meets my expectations and that I can get over my fear of guys with, and we'll all be peachy keen. I know not all men are alcohol-drinking, pot-smoking, physically/emotionally abusive assholes, but what does it matter at my age? It's not like it's going to last after I leave florida. which is in like a year. I'd sort of feel like he'd be a guinea pig for me to experiment my comfort levels with the opposite sex. Maybe it's just that guys are at their sexual peak at 17 and i just so happen to be in their age group. Most women don't peak until 35. What a freakin' difference.
Heh, angst.
My friend is just now entering that 'would I do the same sex?' phase of life in which one eventually experiments. It's all about finding out your identity and all that, so I'm not chiding him. Hopefully he won't be fought about it, 'cause that just worsens the length of the phase, plus how traumatizing it is and all. I think him more human now.
Thanks, I'm feelin' better now.
No matter what, I have to keep from absorbing myself into somebody else's life, whether that be a friend's, a character's, or a celebrity's. Unfortunately, my mind has been spinning fast enough for the latter to be relevant.
good-bye, and thanks for all the fish.
madfuzzyme at 10:27 p.m.