May 10, 2005
oh, we dance in misery, with the fleeting hopes chasing after us, swinging to the rhythm our bodies produce
Will you join me in this dance, this dance of misery
Cradled in imposs... impossibility?
Swooning, I am swept away
Swept off my feet, with step by step by step
We take the lead as drop by drop, then we bleed
Oh, we dance in misery
(And we dance on, and we dance on)
Oh, we dance in misery
(All lost in the arms of our misery, oh)
Oh, we dance in misery
(And we dance on, and we dance on)
Swept off our feet by our misery, we're swept into the shadows
Will you lend yourself to beauty that will horrify?
Let me hide within your black, the still inside your eyes
Deafened, caught within a cry
So sensual, as step by step by step, I seperate
As breath to breath, as I... suffocate
(Oh, we dance in misery)
And we dance on, and we dance on
(Oh, we dance in misery)
All lost in the arms of our misery, oh
(Oh, we dance in misery)
And we dance on, and we dance on
Swept off our feet by our misery, we're swept into the shadows
So who will follow? Who is the lead?
I know I'll leave a stain, because I bleed
As we dance, we all dance
We all... have no chance in this horrid romance
(Oh, we dance in misery)
And we dance on, and we dance on
(Oh, we dance in misery)
All lost in the arms of our misery, oh
(Oh, we dance in misery)
And we dance on, and we dance on
Swept off our feet by our misery, we're swept into the shadows
Swept off our feet by our misery, we're swept into the shadows
AFI: dancing through sunday
so yes, oh, we dance in misery, with the fleeting hopes chasing after us, swinging to the rhythm our bodies produce. So today I mourned. So did my cadets. I'm glad guys felt like being there for me, but for earth's sake, i don't like being hugged profusely! dont give me sympathy! I'm good, thanks for thinking of me, but stop it! >_< so no... i let the guys do it, 'cause the guys held their composure, and it was probably more of a comfort for them to be holding someone than to be silent and stoic. Yes, I pulled the stoic as well, but fuck the world if im not gonna weep a little. I'm not worried about his afterlife. He knew he was going to die soon, since his heart has been failing on him lately and he has so many stints in it that it could be its own new organism... hehe...
i recieved my yearbook today and held the stolid rule that noone mention staff sergeant's circumstances. It's just not a good way to end the year! moping and weeping about his untimely death. A tid bit ironically, the message i had enscribed on the cover of my yearbook was: The best of us die young. CHIN UP! It's over and done with, let's get a move on and divvy out his possessions. Cold-hearted, and probably just a way for me to ignore his death today.
I really couldn't stand seeing his office empty, though not void of life. We instilled life through those walls, with all of our conversations and jokes and... us. He was my best friend, and i'll be damned if his belongings go to those who don't deserve them. He has this really sweet car he recieved from his brother's will (his brother died a few months ago), and he told me that if that car hadn't been his brother's that it would have been my graduation gift. I so want that car. It'd be like driving around with him with his dog in the back seat, like he so fondly did.
He was my guy prom date. He died sunday night. A car on I-4 side-swiped him trying to get ahead of him and they both ended up swerving into the oncoming traffic in the lanes on the other side of the meridian. A u-haul hit them. 8 people were involved in the incident, i dont know how many have died... i do know that his wife is in critical in Hallifax and his son is here in orlando because of sustained brain damage.
His kid is braindead. He was 6. I need to find out his name, so I can name the car after him. That's my freaking car, and i'll be damned if anybody has the balls to tell me otherwise. I'm afraid that he didnt will it out to me. We discussed his will on numerous occasions. I get a plaque of his as well. If he hasnt put them down, then i guess it'd be stealing to ake them of my own accord! (although i wouldnt chance stealing the car) his family doesnt even like the car, so it should go to me! his best friend, or atleast one of them among the cadets at edgewater.
i'm proud of keeping my composure majority of the time... i cried about 3 times... once in the morning before class and i was in the rotc building, once during the beginning of first period when the intercom released the info to the student body and had 'a moment of silence', at once during my rotc pd and i had to see all the kids upset and signing a banner for him.
We collected about $500 going around the school to help aid the family. Never idle! that's us! that's my kids! SSgt and I were working on proposing that he work with the first yer cadets next year, since gnny is going through a midlife crisis and just doesnt emphasize the marine corps values that SSgt did so vigilantly. We were worried that he wouldn't be in class enough due to his heart. how silly.
i've got to speak to the gnny about getting pictures of SSgt from the field day we had a couple of weeks ago. it was the only time i saw him dressed casually, shorts, t-shirt, old golden retriever, brother's car and all! I can't remember, but i do think that his wife and kid did come, though they arrived a little later, on their own. His daughter.. ok, so i dont know her personally, but i have a bitterness towards her for not getting to know her father and basically using him as a money bag. I can't say that i completely hate her though, because i don't think that's all they had together, it was just a large facet of their relationship.
Man oh man, what am i going to get out of his will? what if he didnt add me into it? That's one of the biggest things that I fear. Like I said, I don't want his belongings going into the wrong hands, plus I want something that was his to remember him by. I tried to take the plaque this morning, but cnl said no... hehe, naughty me ^^ My brother wants his stapler, 'cause he used to 'hide' it from him in gnny's office and SSgt would play yell at Gnny as if Gnny stole it, though he knew it was farse.
see you in my dreams, SSgt, maybe we'll get to ballroom dance like we'd planned there, eh?
madfuzzyme at 4:27 p.m.