May 22, 2005
the long dark tea time of the soul
good-day, mates! man, have i been meditating on having a good relationship before going off to college in AL. Yesterday/today there were two graduation parties. Olivia's first, with the movie I (heart) huckabees. Good stuff. Better than Donnie Darko for its depth. See it and like it, if your mind can wrap around the concepts.
man, I dunno if it's because I ate almost nothing but frosted mini-wheats for about a week or what, but I have crapped atleast once everyday since. I can't stand being owned by my freaking bowels! blargh! ::poopmonsterofthetoileteatsthechildreninthepark:: (<--actual sentence)
so yea, the 2nd party, emily's, i got my fooseball on with me mateys and met this kid Evan who's gonna be a senior at a neighbooring highschool. Dear mashed potatoes, both of us find the ideal hangout bungalow to be borders, and not just to sit... but to read!!! XD what. a. concept. he's actually read some things i haven't and i've read some things he hasn't. It'll be a good day monday, 'cause we've got a date. Then he's going to work, AT THE LIBRARY, MY IDEAL JOB. i don't care what you think, it's freaking great. ANd we both love to analyse thing like plot and shtuff. @_@ my ideal guy, no less... however, of course, there is a predicament (2, actually): 1)my friend Chris is up from Sarasota and we have a movie date planned (though when it is we dunno yet, he goes back down in august); and 2)if things get serious, i'll be leaving next summer; and 3)im a basket-case about trusting guys.
mashed potatoes (see, i told you i'd find something to put instead of a historical idol ::cough::jesus::cough), i let him know that i fear dating b/c i fear guys' ulterior motives, if there are any... and that im a fucking basket-case (not so quaintly put, though) but I want to have a relationship with someone enough to get over it. I basically said the only reason im not a lesbian is b/c i fear going out with guys and that's not allowed b/c that's a weakness... sort of... dear mana (land), i have got to chill!
i'm going out with olivia and her aunt nadine tomorrow to a picnic (nadine's business picnic), and then on to ft. lauderdale b/c nadine has a friend over from new york and wants to go for some reason... w007! i've got a life!
oh, so back to emily's party. the graduate guests got good-bye presents of those boards you can poke pins in and hans things on, and there are even to slots for photos. They are so nice, i didn't know emily had money! (as in a rich family) her backyard is so nice. ::guttural glee moan:: It's got greenery, and grass, and nice lawn chairs and a pool (though that's of no use to me, 'cause i don't like the effects of chlorine and all those other chemicals that they put in those things to keep them 'clean'), and a hamoc, and a freaking fanned, lit gazebo. and a ping-pong table on the yard on the side of the house.
me, kelly, and olivia had a good time on that, yes we did. I worked so hard at not hitting the ball over the fence into the neighboor's yard, but to no avail. We (first me, then kelly in my sandals) tried to climb over the fence, but we gave up, 'cause it would be easier for them to just get it later by asking the neighboors. I just wanted some adventure! w00sh-like and stuff...
yeah, ok, good night...
oh, wait, i woke up at 8 and was just laying down, quarreling with myself over getting up and eating something or just staying in bed and be a lazy bum, plus risk the chance of falling back asleep and not making it to olivia's party, when michael (my step-dad) came in and let me know what a horrible night my mom had had b/c of her migraines and fibromialsia (like arthritis, but worse by a ton) and to take it easy on her. Which translates into: get up and be a decent human being by being awake when the baby wakes up so you can take care of her. Which i did. at 10. -_-; My mom was all upset that i took her out of bed and was actualy gonna take care of her that she's crying and demanding that i tell her if michael put me up to taking care of eva, and i was like 'no, i woke up at 8 and im just gonna take care of her so go back to sleep', but she couldn't have it that way 'cause she feels like she's being a failure of a mom since her medical problems hinder her physically. yeah, she's miserable, but aren't we all? (oh man, that's so clich� that it's going to make me sick... sick enough to leave it there! oh! what a pun, when i really am disgusted with useing a clich�) but back to the argument. since i just finished reading Laurell k Ham's A Stroke of Midnight, i listened for exact statements so i could maipulate the truth without lying to her about michael's visit that morning. ya see, she asked me if micheal woke me up to take care of eva, and of course, as previously staed, he had not. so she asked straight out if he told me to take care of the baby, and of course, i said NO, cause he didnt tell me, he just implied that it needed to be done. hooray for guilt knocking the trickery into me! hehe, all that sideways talk just 'cause i didnt wanna say i'd feel guilty if i didnt take of the baby. That would have been worse than saying micahel put me up to it, 'cause then she'd feel even more like a failure, and it's not that she is one, it's that families take care of their people in times of need... that's practically the definition of family: a group of individuals relying upon each other for morale during both trials and tribulations without the necessary possibility of personal gain... crimany, what a freaking definition...
and you thought this was going to be a short entry, you stupid existentialist thread in time, you.
Rico Suave = moi. mais oui, c'est le verit�.
madfuzzyme at 1:24 a.m.